8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
