Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
