So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
