last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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