you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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