I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I have fence marks all over my body
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
