then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize