Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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