This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
