I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
