I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
