If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
