No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
