oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
