I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
