Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
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