I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
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Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
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It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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