well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
