HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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