I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
