Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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