It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
