Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
