is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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