one word: firstdatebathroomanal
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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