your thong is hanging out like whoa
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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