drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
