you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
