it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
