it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
