Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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