Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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