Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
