I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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