At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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