I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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