We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
