She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
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