So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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