smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
