After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
