i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
