Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Boobs speak an international language.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
