I'm laying in your front yard are you home
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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