You really coming over, don't trick.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
