I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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