we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
