Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize