Having a random hookup so left but love u
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Randomize
