sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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