Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
