Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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