If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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