we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
