If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
