I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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