I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
