he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
So many bounce houses so little time
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
